Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Super Sick Sidekick!

Sunday night, Sidekick kept telling me his legs and forehead hurt and that he was cold.  I blew it off.  Yesterday morning, he woke up with a fever that crept as high as 103 degrees in the evening.  Aside from a few random colds, my kid has not been sick since he had a horrible case of Hand Foot and Mouth that covered him from head to toe when he was 15 months old (over two years!).  He's never had a fever either, so I knew he was definitely sick this time around. 

Being a SMC when having a sick kid sucks because there's no one to stay home from work besides me.  I had an appointment with a school district (I work in educational sales), so I dressed him in his "work" clothes, gave him some ibuprofen, and off we went!  He was so excited to go to work with me and was so well behaved.  People complemented him on his "work" attire and were very sweet to him.  We were in and out in about an hour, and he spent the rest of the day watching movies on the sofa (among the loudness from my basement in the midst of being under construction... electric saws, big nail guns, drilling, hammering, etc.) 

Last night he had that barking cough that I've only heard about and never witnessed/experienced.  It was scary because it would start while he was sleeping, and he'd start gasping for air and then panic.  At one point in the middle of the night, I picked him up and carried him outside into the 22 degree cold to let him breathe, and it helped him a lot.  At 5:00 AM, he walked into my bedroom to wake me up and ask me to take his temperature. (Such a grown boy.)  I did and it was 101.2, so another round of meds he got. He crawled into my bed (not anything we ever do), and I laid next to what felt like a hot oven.  He rolled over and stroked my hair in such a sweet, loving way and told me that even though he was sick, it was okay.  And then he bark-coughed all over my face.  Great.  At 5:30 AM, he wanted to go back to his bed which made me happy, and he slept for another 1 1/2 hours. 

I called the pediatrician who said I definitely need to bring him in.  He has Croup (which I suspected).  I had no milk (in addition to not having much food at all) or dog food in the house, so after the doctor, we ran to the Petsmart and Walmart to pick up some things.  On the way home, we picked up his prescription for steroids and went home.  I was planning on doing all the shopping yesterday after work before I picked him up from school. He has totally messed up my week. 

Apparently, Croup has three bad nights, but his doctor thinks the steroids will kick in quickly.  I dosed him up when we got home, we went down to see the progress on the basement, and when we came back upstairs, I noticed a puddle of his meds on the floor!  He neglected to tell me he spilled some of his medicine.  F**K!  I remember seeing how much he had after what I thought was the remaining amount left from what he swallowed, which was really what was left after he spilled, so I have him just a couple mL more... probably not enough. 

I was told Croup takes an interesting course... once the high fever hits (which was 103 for Sidekick), it can fluctuate for several days.  How can I know when I can take him back to school when I think he's okay and then he spikes another fever?  I called daycare to update the director and explained that I may have to keep him home all week and that there should be a donation for the parents of kids who keep their kids home when they are sick. Haha.  I'd gladly contribute if it kept my child healthier.  She laughed.  She told me that if he stays home the entire week, they will discount the week.  That is so nice of them, so rather than pay full price of the week for one, maybe two days, I'll just keep him out the entire week.  If I had work appointments, I'd be forced to take him once his fever broke, but it's a slow week since schools are just getting back after winter break.  Thank goodness!  I have no idea what I would have done if I had a sales presentation, important meeting, etc.  I would have been screwed!

Next week I travel to Florida for our national sales meeting.  While I will probably get sick from Sidekick, I am eternally grateful I was here when he was sick.  I know my mom would do great with him, but I'm the one that needs to take care of him, and there is no way I could focus during my meeting.  My mom even said she would have been far more worried than I currently am and that would have made being away from him harder. 

I have a home office which is the only thing saving me.  My house is upside down with the construction on the basement.  Toys that are normally in the basement are on the other two floors and my desk is now in my bedroom.  Sidekick watched movies one floor below while I worked.  My life is chaotic and I feel so trapped.  It really is hard to be a SMC with a sick kid and no help.  I don't ever ask for help from friends (call me too proud).  I felt badly for dragging him out to run errands with me, but I didn't have much of a choice. He has been so incredibly good.  I've commented that I really like sick Sidekick because he is less of a "Threenager".  He's quite enjoyable to be around. 

Once he's better, life will be interesting next week.  He will have been out of school for more than a week with the New Year holiday, has more than exceeded his 30 minutes of TV he gets every day, and I'll be out of town.  Could be a rough week for Grandma.  I normally hate these meetings, but after this week, I am looking forward to just getting away from my sweet little boy that has been home with me 24/7 since last Thursday.  Don't get me wrong, I love him more than anything, but this has been exhausting.

What a great (sarcasm) start to 2016!

Friday, January 1, 2016

Lonely in Life

I had started a post a few days ago about Christmas, but I just didn't find it to be "right".  I have more than a recap of Christmas about which to write, so for now an entry about Christmas is on the backburner, and may never make in to an official post.  That's okay.  I have more weighing on me right now. 

I've never been a fan of holidays.  They haven't usually made me happy for as long as I can remember. I've had my fair share of loneliness during the holidays... some where I've been all alone due to family "estrangement", some where I've been with my family, some where it's just been me and Sidekick.  But, I've never felt "whole".  This year, while my mom was here for Christmas, I felt especially lonely on New Year's Eve. I hate saying that because I have Sidekick, but I don't think he's enough for me. (Gosh, I hate putting that in writing.)

During my time of being alone (no kid/boyfriend), I always thought the holidays (and life in general) would be more fulfilling when I had a child or got married.  And they are.  Really, they are.  But something is missing. I miss companionship. I miss sharing my life with someone other than a 3 1/2 year old.  I'm jealous of the more "traditional" families surrounding me. They seem to have their own lives that we don't fit into. I feel alienated from my friends. It just feels like my world is Sidekick, work, the occasional workout/run, keeping up a house, running errands, and the occasional adventure/outing with Sidekick with or without friends joining us.  That just doesn't seem like enough.

I'm at that point in my life when I feel like if I had another baby, everything would be better because I'd be so busy and happy that Sidekick had a sibling, when in fact this feeling of loneliness would just creep up on me again.  I know it would.  So for practicality and financial reasons, I push that thought away, but then I feel guilty that Sidekick is growing up in this world the way he is, especially with no sibling.  Ugh!  What is my problem????!!! 

Sidekick's schedule has been wacky for a couple of weeks because of the holidays and my mom being in town, even though I've stuck with it for all but a couple of days.  His napping has been hit or miss, and when he naps, he's up late.  I'm fortunate that he will stay in his bed and read books until he falls asleep around 9:30, but then I feel like he should be hanging with me, even though I need my downtime.  Guilt.  Last night, New Year's Eve, he was exhausted, and he was asleep shortly after I put him in bed at 8:00.  I spent the evening watching Netflix... alone. So depressing.

Not only is being a SMC difficult, especially now that my kid is a Threenager (and a monster because he's really difficult right now), but it's also lonely.  Nights can be long and lonely.  Life can be "blah" when you have a kid glued to your hip and have to think about him and his needs every waking moment.  I can't be carefree and just run to the store and wander around aimlessly because Sidekick is touching everything and wanting to go his own way in the store.  I can't go for a long run because I need to hire a babysitter and don't want to spend the money.  I can't just pick up and go somewhere without paying attention to how close it is to a meal, nap, bedtime, etc. 

Don't get me wrong... I love Sidekick more than anything in the world. I couldn't imagine not having him in my life.  He has filled a hole in my heart and has taught me so much about life. But, I need more.  So... for 2016, I'm going to try to change that. I'm going to try to do things that fulfill my life.  I'm going to be on the lookout for a great guy to join our great little family.  I'm going to find peace and happiness in everything around me. I'm going to get back to feeling like a whole person again who really does have a good life and not get wrapped up in the monotony of life. I'm going to start running again and hopefully train for another half marathon (then I stress about how I will get all the training in with Sidekick.) I don't like using the word "resolution" and I don't really like tacking the timing of these things to a new year.  For my situation, it just happened to be timely to a new year.  (If that makes sense.)

I just need to be reminded that during horrible temper tantrums, a dirty house, a stressful job, and everything else that we deal with on a daily basis, there really is more to all of that that can make me feel complete. Thankfully, a kiss out of the blue from Sidekick always brings a smile to my face.  It really is the little things, and I just need to get back to appreciating them while doing something along the way that makes me happy. 

Happy New Year, everyone!  May 2016 be everything that you are looking for.  What are some things that you will focus on in 2016? 

Monday, December 21, 2015

All Clear, a Little Laugh, and Holiday Cheer

I went for my more in depth mammogram, and when I was taken back, the lady wished me luck and told me that she hopes everything goes well.  Yikes!  That was enough to make me nervous. The scans that day showed "something", but after doing some additional scans, all was good.  Of course I didn't trust them and wanted them to do like 15 more scans just to make sure.  But, I was reassured I was okay and was told they'd see me next year.  Phew! (And too bad I had to pay for this special mammogram because I hadn't met my deductible this year!  Yikes!)

Sidekick's school had their holiday party. The kids all sand "Jingle Bells", and he refused to stand with his friends and sing.  Disappointed, I let him sit on my lap while we watched the kids. Shortly after the music started, Sidekick jumped off my lap and joined his friends. I just wish he hadn't been so shy... he sure messed up all the other kids by not singing the right verses. 


I'm not one who has ever made a big deal of holidays, and Christmas is no different.  However, Sidekick totally digs Santa (unlike the past two years), so it makes it a little more fun.  We got into the holiday spirit quickly by riding the Polar Express which was a lot of fun.  Of course he was a little skeptical because the train went so slowly and we didn't actually go to the North Pole, but it was a great time nonetheless. 

And he's made a lot of progress with Santa!

We did an impromptu evening in an historic part of the town in which we live. I think this picture is really cool!

Merry early Christmas to those who celebrate!  May you be filled with blessings, miracles, and happiness. 

Monday, December 7, 2015

Annual Mammogram

My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer about 11 years ago.  She had a single mastectomy with reconstruction.  She didn't need chemotherapy or radiation, so she kind of lucked (if such a word exists) out.  Ever since then, my doctor has always wanted me to have an annual mammogram even though I was in my late 20's.  Every year I go.  Religiously.  I went last week and was told that my breasts are very dense, which I usually hear, but this time she alluded to the fact from now on, I should be doing a 3D mammogram.  Somehow I didn't think I'd get off Scott free this year, and I was right. 

Today I got a call from the nurse at my OB/GYN;s office.  I saw the number pop up on my caller ID and thought they might be confirming my annual appointment for Friday even though that seemed a bit early to be doing that.  But no.  It was to tell me that there was a change in my mammogram from last year so they need to do further testing.  I'm not one to get worked up and freak out about something which is good in a situation like this, but it puts things into perspective, especially being a single mom. 

I am Sidekick's only parent. God forbid something should happen to me, I know who will raise him.  Do I have a will?  No!  Should I?  Ummm... absolutely. It's never a good feeling to think about "what if" when planning for your child's future, and I have put it off for just about 3 1/2 years, but I fricken need a will, not because of this little blip but for the every day, freaky shit that can happen.

So... while I wait for my follow-up testing on Friday morning, I think I may begin the process of getting Sidekick's future and my estate together.  Do I really need a kick in the ass to do that???

According to the American Cancer Society, only 10% of people who have mammograms are called back for further testing.  But only 8% to 10% of those women will need a biopsy and 80% of those biopsies turn out be benign, so the odds are totally in my favor.  Let me take this as a wake up call and get my affairs in order, not because I'm doom and gloom about this abnormality in my mammogram, but because I needed to get it done years ago. 

Thursday, November 12, 2015

"My daddy is dead."

I had an interesting conversation with Sidekick's teacher the other day.  Apparently, while some kids were sitting at the table, the following conversation occurred:

Girl:  My mommy is picking me up today.
Boy:  My daddy is picking me up today.
Sidekick:  My daddy is dead.

I have never told Sidekick is Daddy is dead.  He knows he has a Donor that "helped Momma find a baby" (his words).  Sometimes he'll tell me that his grandpa who passed away last year is his daddy. He's been asking about his daddy since he was 2 1/2 years old.  When I was pregnant with him and when he was a baby, I never thought I'd be having these conversations with him at such a young age.

I talked to him when we got home and reminded him that he doesn't have a Daddy he has a Donor and that there are many different types of families. He was adamant that his Daddy is dead.  While Sidekick is only three, his brain is definitely older than three (according to daycare director and pediatrician), so I try to bring conversations to his level, which seem to be more advanced than they should be (if that makes sense).  He's asked me several times when I am going to find him a Daddy, and I always chuckle in my head that if it was that easy, I wouldn't have chosen to be a SMC.

I think he misses the idea of having a Daddy without truly feeling like he is "missing out" on having a Daddy. But one day soon, he could feel like he is truly missing out, despite how normal and complete I try to make our family.  I am still hopeful that I will get married someday and he will have a Daddy, but I don't promise him that because no one can predict the future.  Gosh, I sure wish we could because if I wasn't going to happen, I'd stop trying online dating.  Ugh! 

Fortunately, he has dropped this idea (or at least telling others) that his Daddy is dead, but I'm not sure he has buried it (haha!).  Just another wonderful parenting moment of being a SMC!

Thursday, November 5, 2015

Halloween and the Threenager has Disappeared

I have gotten a grip on my Threenager once again.  How in the world can a little pint sized body control adults so much???!!!

I posted on a Mom's Forum the struggle I was having with Sidekick and asking for suggestions that didn't result in an F'n reward chart.  Many disagreed with the fact that I didn't take Sidekick to Karate after he was being an asshole at school. They said the punishment should have fit the crime, and since the crime was at school, the punishment shouldn't have been at school.  It got me thinking, but I still stand by my punishment.  Why should he get the privilege of doing something fun when he was shitty all day at school? No way.  He didn't deserve that special activity. 

Anyway... it's tough to ask questions (why is why I like the anonymity of a Forum and even my blog) because some will agree and some will disagree. I need to find a system that works for us. One mom suggested a Coupon system in which her kids get a coupon for doing something good (randomly coupons are given), BUT (and this is what I like), Coupons can be taken away!!!  I believe in consequences for actions, and let me tell you that Sidekick does not like when one is taken away.  His "prize" that he chose for getting ten coupons is going out for ice cream.  It's Thursday, and he doesn't have his ten Coupons yet, but it's hard when he's at school all day.  But he'll get them, and he's been doing great!

At school, every day the week leading up to Halloween had a theme.  One of his faves was crazy hair day. He was a pretty cool dude! 

Halloween was great!  He was the leader of the pack, running from house to house.  He was sweet and grateful.  He had so much fun and was sad when Halloween was over. He can't seem to understand when he will be able to celebrate again.   I remember the disappointment of something ending when I waited so long for it to come.  I still have that disappointment sometimes, like when a favorite TV shows ends forever or a vacation comes to an end. It's such a bummer.  Anyway, being a pirate was so fitting since he is obsessed (okay, I am too) with skulls and crossbones. He definitely played the part well.  I love this boy so much!


Friday, October 30, 2015

F'n Reward System for a Threenager

Okay... I admit it.  I'm a hard ass when it comes to Sidekick.  I expect a lot out of him and always have.  I'm strict, and I have high expectations for his behavior.  I'm consistent with him as far as disciplining.  I have a real problem with a reward system/chart... gasp!  I  know so many people's mouths just dropped while reading that. I hate rewarding my child for things that he should JUST do: things that I do on a regular basis like get dressed, make my bed, etc.  I don't get rewarded, so why should he?  I think that rewarding children is creating monsters in the end.  I think everyone getting a trophy (even if they are the loser) is bullshit.  When did all of this begin?  It didn't exist when I was a child. 

So while I've been dealing with a Threenager, I'm not about to implement a system in which he gets a reward every f'n day if he has a good day and does what is expected of him.  I have a friend who always seems to do a reward system with her two kids, and rewards her children every day if they got their stickers (or whatever they are using for a system).  WTF??  I don't have the time or the patience to do something like that, and I don't think Sidekick should have a system like that in place. Suck it up, boy!  This is life!

I was going crazy a couple of months ago because Sidekick was dragging his feet in the morning and it was taking us forever to get out the door.  So, I created a sticker chart, and if he had a perfect M-F week, his reward was ice cream (his choice).  After a few weeks, he got on track so we dropped the chart.  Here we are now and he's dilly-dallying again, and we've talked about doing the sticker chart again.  He cries every time and says he doesn't want one.  He sees it at punishment.  My friend who is always doing a reward system told me that I need to reward him every day if he gets his stickers.  I don't agree. 

Last week he was a monster.  His teacher was on vacation, so he was trying to push the teacher's (who was subbing) buttons.  On a day when he had Karate, I talked to him, the director, and the teacher and explained what was expected of him that day in order to go to Karate.  He had a bad day, and I left it up to them to determine if he There are consequences for our actions.  Why should he get to do something fun (what I consider a reward) if he's being an asshole???!!!!  No way.  You know what?  He straightened up after he missed Karate.

I realize that every kid is different and every parent is different, but I do not believe in an ongoing reward system where my child gets something special every day.  For goodness sakes, I'm keeping him fed, healthy, and alive.  Isn't that enough of a reward? 

My friend said that we have to agree to disagree, and I guess she's right.  But I'm curious... how much I am in the minority when it comes to something like that?  Maybe I'm wrong, but right now, I can't buy into creating a entire reward system just so that he will f'n get ready quickly so we can get out the door at the time I would like.  Is that too much to ask without rewarding him???

During our conversations of why I was frustrated, upset, disappointed, angry, etc. with him, he always, and I mean always asks, "Do you still wuv me?"  When I ask him what he thinks, he answers "Always."  He's right.  He's a pleaser.  He's a good boy.  He's a sweet, loving boy. I don't think he needs a reward system, and I'm sticking to that!

Sorry for the rant...

Sunday, October 25, 2015

Happy Conception Day! (A Day Late)

Most people have no idea the precise day when their child was conceived unless she goes through some type of fertility treatment.  For Sidekick it was October 24th, 2011.  Four years ago, this "Threenager" was just starting to grow.  It's truly amazing, and I still can't get over the miracle of it all.

Sidekick was conceived on what was going to be my last IUI... Lucky #8!  I had run out of sperm, and it was emotionally, physically, mentally draining, and I didn't think I could do it anymore.  I was going to move on to adoption and had already chosen an agency.

I triggered 36 hours before my IUI, which happened to be the night before my last (see a pattern here?) half marathon.  Why my last?  Because my three previous races had done such horrible damage to my ankles and shins.  As a result I ended up with four stress fractures after crossing the finish line for one race and after another race, I ended up needed platelet injections to heal tendons and ligaments.  Though most thought I was crazy for continuing racing (and I was), training and running races was something else to focus on other and doing injections, timing the IUIs, and being in the dreaded TWW.  I did it all eight times, and it sucked each and every time. And I did it alone.  Friends and family didn't know each time I had an IUI because I didn't want to report back on bad news each time it didn't work.

While running my half marathon, I worried that my eggs would jiggle out sooner than they were supposed to. I remember mentally talking to them and begging them to not pop out until the next morning. I was all but sure Lucky #8 was going to be unsuccessful.  So, the morning after my race, I hobbled in, laid on the table, and had that little catheter inserted in me for the very last time.

My betas had always been wacky because I had to do another hcg injection during my TWW because I have something called Luteal Phase Defect.  It was a bit of a challenging diagnoses, but since I was taking my temperature every day, I noticed my BBT doing funky things during the TWW... further testing showed Luteal Phase Defect. 

Because of the hcg, home pregnancy tests were not reliable early on nor was one Beta.  My numbers were extremely crazy: 

11dpo:  15
14dpo: 37 (It had doubled, but it's supposed to double every 48 hours and it had been 72)
16dpo: 75 (While it doubled, it is a lot lower than the average and RE would like for it to have been well over 100)
18dpo: 182 (Typically two blood draws are done, but with my numbers so low, he wanted to continue monitoring me)

Imagine my surprise and my doctor's surprise when I went in for my first ultrasound and was pregnant with TWINS!!!!  I still remember that feeling and will probably never forget it. I knew it was possible to have twins because I was doing fertility meds, but I hadn't gotten one baby up to that point, so what was the likelihood of two?  It was the race!  I swear it was that jiggled out two eggs at the perfect time!

For many who didn't follow my journey from the beginning, if I did have twins, I was going to give one to my friends who were going through IVF with no success. I was okay with this plan, despite the controversy of it, but it was what was best for me and my babies.  I don't have family in the same state, and I couldn't afford daycare for two, so I had to have a plan before committing to fertility meds, and that was my plan.  

I laid on the table during my ultrasound saying "Shit" over and over and over again.  I immediately realized that one was meant to me mine and the other was meant to be a gift for my friends.  As much as I was prepared for that, I knew it would be extremely difficult.  I sobbed when I walked out and I sobbed for days afterwards.  No one even knew I was pregnant yet, let alone with two. 

I lost one of my twins early on, and I was okay with that.  I always say that it took two to get one amazing, happy, funny, healthy baby.  My friends who would have adopted one to this day never knew I had two.  I always wonder what it would have been like if I carried both to term.  I wonder if it was a boy or girl, if he/she would be similar to Sidekick as far as personality, looks, etc. But I am reminded every day of just how blessed and lucky I am that I got a good egg (haha-- literally and figuratively).

Happy Conception Day (one day late) to Sidekick!  What a journey we've been on!


Thursday, October 22, 2015

Threenager and the Rabbit Hole

I didn't think it would happen. I just didn't believe it would, but it happened.  I have a Threenager on my hands.  We pretty much breezed through the Terrible Twos, but I'm not sure I'll survive the Threenager stage.  Lord help me! 

I'll take some responsibility for Sidekick being a monster.  Why?  Because I didn't put him down for a nap on Saturday and Sunday. The weather was beautiful, and I wanted to take advantage of that. We met some other SMC at a pumpkin patch on Saturday and on Sunday we went for a three mile hike in "da mountains".  On Saturday, he was in bed at 7:00 and on Sunday it was 6:15.  His normal bedtime is 8:00, but I know that has to be earlier when he doesn't nap.  He got the right amount of sleep, but I guess I might have messed with his schedule too much.

Monday...  His teacher is on vacation this week and the other teacher in the room is new, so I think he was trying to figure out what he could get away with.  He was pushing buttons, not listening, and didn't nap.  This resulted in another early bedtime. 

Tuesday... I had to wake him up (guess he didn't go to sleep early enough after all).  He was whiney right away and I told him to pee/poop.  Side note, the poop thing has been a bit of a challenge because he doesn't poop as often as he should or he'll squeeze out a nugget and call it done.  Seriously, my morning always starts out with arguing with him about pooping because I know he has to go.  So, he pitched a fit. I sent him to his room.  I let him out, he pitched a fit, so I sent him in his room.  At that point I wasn't going to argue with him so I got him dressed and then he told me had to poop!  WTF?!?!  During his fits and quick trip down the rabbit hole, I went downstairs to get his breakfast ready because the clock was ticking quickly and he/we had wasted a lot of time.  He normally helps me get his breakfast ready, so another temper tantrum ensued.  Good Lord!  I talked about what he needed to do at school in order to be able to go to Karate that night.  When we got to school (late of course), we talked to the director AND the teacher about expectations for being able to go to Karate.

At 3:20 that afternoon, I'm sitting at my desk working when the number for school shows up on my caller ID.  I immediately say "F***" to myself.  Sidekick shoved a rock up his nose and it was stuck.  WTF?!?!  After a phone call to the pediatrician learning there were no appointments so we'd have to camp out in the waiting room, I headed to school to get my child.  On my way, school calls that he got the rock out by pressing on the outside of his nose.  I then asked if he deserved to go to Karate that night, and as much as the director didn't want to make the decision, after she talked to the teacher, it was decided he did not follow through with the expectations everyone had of him.  So... I turned around, went back home, put on my running clothes, went for a long run, and picked my son up an hour later than normal. I just couldn't deal with him!  I didn't want to deal with him. There are consequences for his actions, and not going to Karate was a big one!

I picked him up and he immediately asked about Karate. The news that he would not be going threw him into yet another tailspin and he was headed deeper down the rabbit hole. It was all I could do to survive until bedtime.  While we were eating dinner, I asked him why he put a rock up his nose, and he told me it's because his foot hurt. Of course, that's a logical explanation.

Wednesday (yesterday) seemed much better according to his teachers.  While he didn't nap, he quietly laid on his cot the entire time.  He went to bed earlier than normal.

I had a horrible dream last night that for whatever reason, my friends and I dropped Sidekick off at a store in this small downtown shopping area in some part of the country. We told him to wait for us while we found a parking spot.  By the time we got there, he was nowhere to be found.  I was terrified and so upset.  I knew I was dreaming, but I couldn't wake up.  I kept looking for him for days and never found him.  It was awful, and when I finally woke up, I walked into Sidekick's room at 2:26 AM to make sure he was okay. He was sleeping like a beautiful, perfect little boy. 

This morning was great.  He peed/pooped, ate a great breakfast, and happily went to school.  Karate is up in the air again depending on how he does at school, but I'm hoping, my sweet, well behaved son is working his way out of the rabbit hole. I want him to be able to wear this cute uniform again tonight. 

My patience is being tested this week, and I am trying my hardest to remain calm when Sidekick makes me crazy, strong with how I am raising him, follow through with consequences, and loving him just little more than normal because for some reason, he needs that extra hug and kiss this week. I sure wish daycare was open on the weekends.  

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Christmas Card and Dog's Birthday

It may only be the beginning of October, but last weekend, Sidekick and I went into the woods to take pictures for our Christmas card. Yep!  I am way ahead of things.  I always write a poem to a different Christmas song every year with a theme, and I even have that done!  I have uploaded everything, and I all I have to do is hit "Order".  I'm holding out a little longer because I "fear" something will need to be added to the poem.  For example, right now, Sidekick is doing a trial karate lesson on Friday, if he ends up liking it, that will need to go into the card.  He wasn't the most cooperative which pissed me off, but I was determined to not have to drag him out into the woods again for something that might not be better.  So... here's a sneak peek. This one doesn't go with the theme per se, but it's pretty cute anyway. He got dirty right away as this is one of the first pictures I took:


Six and a half years ago, long before Sidekick was a consideration in my future, my awesome golden retriever was diagnosed with a heart condition.  I was faced with the difficult decision to put her through open heart surgery which had a 50% success rate.  She was six years old, so I felt like I owed it to her to give it a shot.  Last Friday she turned 13.  She and Sidekick have such a special relationship.  He walks her, feeds her, gives her her medicine, brushes her, and snuggles with her. 
Since Sidekick knows all about birthdays now, he insisted on having a party for her. So, we made her a dog cake, wore party hats and got balloons and a small present. As soon as he went down the stairs after getting ready, he gave Dog a big hug and sang "Happy Birthday." 
I know our time with Dog is getting shorter.  Thirteen is old.  Thirteen is really old after undergoing open heart surgery and now in congestive heart failure.  She's been such a sweet companion for Sidekick, and I'm sad for the day when we will have to say goodbye.  At random times, Sidekick will ask me when Ah-mee (what he calls her) is going to die.  I wish I had an answer, but I don't.  We will have a difficult time when she is no longer with us.  She's been my baby for a long time. 

I will not get another dog after she dies.  Maybe down the long, long road, but not anytime soon.  I've had a dog for about 18 years (had two at the same time for a while). They've been a huge part of my life, and I think it's so important for kids to grow up with pets and having a role in taking care of them.  But... I need to be less tied down.  I want to go on spontaneous trips and not worry about what to do with Dog.  I want to not having to rush home from somewhere to let her go potty.  I want to not have to walk her when the wind chill is -15 degrees (I'm a firm believer that dogs need to be walked every day, and even when Sidekick was a baby, I walked Dog every day.)  I want a little less freedom than I have right now.

And for a little chuckle... every night Sidekick says a prayer, and the beginning is always the same.  Here was our conversation:

Sidekick:  Dear God. Tank you por watching ober da babies.
Me:  Anything else?
Sidekick:  Also, God, why are deer Cwismas decowations when we haben't eben had Halloweeen?

I just laughed. I'm not sure he'll get an answer, but I want to know the same thing.