I'll Always Hold my Little Boy's Hand

I'll Always Hold my Little Boy's Hand
I'll Always Hold my Little Boy's Hand

Thursday, February 19, 2015

Table for Two

I don't know how I feel about past lives, but many people who know Sidekick, have commented that he is an old soul and he's "been around" before.  I have to admit that there are times when he says or does something and I think to myself that he shouldn't be doing/saying that at 2 1/2 years old. He tells me at random times that I am beautiful (and it's usually when I need a shower!).  He'll do something and immediately asks me if it makes me happy.  He is an outgoing, yet cautious, gentle little boy who is so aware of the world and the people who live in it.  He just seems to know too much.

I've taught him to set the table with his dishes at a pretty young age.  I have all of his dishes in a cabinet that he can reach, so he likes to pick out the colors of his plates, bowls, and cups.  I had had a long day and was trying to get dinner ready for us.  Sidekick was working on puzzles and his ears must have been broken when I asked him to set the table because he hadn't moved from the puzzle.  I was getting a little impatient while finishing things up, so I asked him again with a little firmer, louder voice.  He got up and did what I asked him to do.  When I turned around, I found two sets of matching dishes at the table.  My sweet boy, had set the table for me also:



How could I not use the dishes he got out for me?  He was so happy and excited and said, "I set the table for you, Momma.  That make you happy?"  Of course it made me happy and I happily served myself using his dishes and filled the small cup with water.  He has learned that the world doesn't revolve around him.  He has learned that it's nice to help others.  He has learned how to be loving and kind.

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Happy Singles Awareness Day

aka Valentine's Day. It's a day I've never really gotten into, but seeing the flowers, gifts, etc. on Facebook that friends got makes me feel a little jealous. Why is it so hard to find a guy?  Oh yeah!  Because dating sucks!  I've tried online dating sites with no success.  None.  Zero. Zilch. I haven't been on a date since before Sidekick was born, and I'd sure like to go on one. Soon. Seriously, as much as I hated dating prior to Sidekick, I'd really like to have a date now. I'd love to sit across the table from a guy and have a great conversation, while drinking a glass of wine and laughing.

Sidekick had soccer yesterday and he brought Valentines to some of his friends on his team.  It was fun and he was so excited to give them to them.  We were going to go bowling for the first time with my friends and their two sons, but when we got there the wait was close to two hours, so we quickly changed our plans and went to Chuck E Cheese, which was a new place for Sidekick.  He had so much fun and quickly learned how to put the coins in the games/rides.  He was so happy. Watching him reminded me how much I just adore my boy, so screw Valentines Day!  If I had waited for that guy to come along, I wouldn't have Sidekick. 

Although Sidekick informed me that his friend at school, H, is his Valentine, after I gave him a kiss, he said, "I like hugs, Momma.  Kisses are not great.  But I love you."  So whether I have a grown up Valentine or not, I have my boy, and he is the greatest, most amazing part of my life.  I'd hate to wonder where my life would be now if he wasn't part of it. 

Below is a picture of three Valentine's Days in row. It's fun to see how he's changed. This boy is by far my favorite boy in the whole wide world.  Maybe a great guy will come into our lives someday soon and grow with us.



Sunday, February 8, 2015

That Ex-Neighbor-Friend!

Remember that neighbor friend that "broke up" with me and Sidekick? 

Breaking up is Hard to Do

Momma Sad

Awwwww-kward!


I hate living by her. I really do. I tried to be the big person and reach out again when I sent them a Christmas card.  In it I wrote, "New year, new beginning..."  Again, the door was wide open, and nothing!  Finally, I sent her an email a couple of weeks ago with the subject line "Goodbye".  I told her I was officially saying goodbye to her and our difficult, painful friendship where I was totally and completely used.  I told her that I was trying not to hate her, but because of what she did with no explanation, I do (which I don't make a habit of doing).  I told her I was hopeful that by now she would have strapped on some balls and explained but because she didn't, I was done. I wouldn't have wanted her to be my friend anymore, but at least because we would have hashed things out, we wouldn't be completely uncomfortable around each other. 

I explained that whenever her son, T, sees us, Sidekick hides behind me and will not talk to him no matter how much T tries to talk to him. It's so awkward. When I talk to Sidekick about it later, he tells me that T is not his friend anymore. I try to do the right thing by explaining that even when people aren't our friends, we still need to be nice and say hello to them.  He asked me why... ugh!  I don't F'n know!  It's just the right thing to do. It makes me sad that E has ruined a sweet relationship between T and Sidekick.  It's so unfair to them.

So, guess what? I told her that I'm not going to be nice to them anymore if we see them.  Why should I?  She is such a messed up woman, and I do not condone her behavior nor do I want to teach Sidekick that that behavior of hers is acceptable.  Yes, we'll say hello, but that's it... no more BS talk with her son, especially since Sidekick will not interact with him anymore.  I told her that she has created such an awkwardness in our neighborhood, and that totally sucks.  How's it going to be when a bunch of neighbors are outside and everyone is talking to each other except us?  Because I'm the newbie to the neighborhood, who knows how this will go.

While I the premise of my email was to say goodbye because I thought it would make me feel better, it didn't. It was a beautiful weekend, so we were outside playing a lot. We were in the cul-da-sac where all the kids gather, which happens to be where their house is.  E's husband came out to leave, so I grabbed Sidekick's bike to get it out of the way, and we didn't even glance at each other.  I just wanted to yell, "You two need to grow the F up!"  If they didn't live just doors down from us, I wouldn't care, but their presence in our neighborhood is really hard for me.  We are very outdoorsy people, so we are always out.  It makes me sick. 

Here's the thing... I know she is f'd up (her words), she admitted it to me many times.  I know she had a lot of shit to deal with.  I get all of that, but being used like I was and then being dumped is so incredibly hard and totally sucks. Seriously, who does what she did?  In my entire life, I honestly can't think of anything remotely similar to what she did.  Ridiculous. 

I'm dreading spring when we all tend to be outside and at some point, we'll actually be in each other's presence.  I feel like I'm in middle school again, but this is actually far worse.  Is she truly happy that she's done this?  Does she feel as awkward as I am being outside in our neighborhood?  This is so incredibly stupid and so incredibly immature. They wanted to move a while ago but were afraid that they wouldn't get what they needed to out of their house.  Every day I hope I will see a "For Sale" sign in their yard.  That would solve everything.

Thursday, February 5, 2015

Friendships

I always thought that it would be easier to "find" new friends and connect with them once Sidekick was old enough to go out an about and do things.  Having him has put me in activities and outings that I wouldn't normally do. What I have found is that it's tough to connect with people as a SMC because my world is different than a more "traditional" family.  I wonder if it's because some women don't want to leave their husbands out of outings with the kids especially on the weekends.  Weekends are family time, not hang out with Sidekick and his mom time, so I struggle with this which makes me feel lonely sometimes. 

Since Sidekick has been playing soccer, I have become friendly with a couple of the moms.  One of the moms (we'll call X) and I had an interesting conversation the first time we talked at soccer.  The kids are now on the soccer field by themselves, so I get the opportunity to talk to some of the moms and dads.  After a little chit chat, X asked me if "we" have any more kids.  When I said no, she asked if "we" are going to, and like I usually do, I explained that I am a SMC.  She got so excited for me and told me that since she had found her husband later in life, she would have done the same thing had she not gotten married.  I asked about her family, and she hesitated and said she does have a son, but he died 1 1/2 years ago!  Good Lord, talk about an awful thing to hear.  From what I have gathered in the short communication and random thing she says at times, he was in surgery and the anesthesiologist messed up. He was about 2 1/2... Sidekick's age. How does one respond to that???  I just wanted to lean over and hug her. Their daughter was nine months old at the time, and I can only assume that she kept them going every day.  At that moment, I looked at Sidekick running around on the soccer field and couldn't imagine losing him. My heart was heavy for this family. I don't think I would ever survive if something happened to Sidekick.  I couldn't.

X is getting a Golden Retriever puppy in a couple of weeks. Last weekend, she invited us to go visit the litter. Sidekick was so loving and caring towards them and was particularly drawn to the runt (on his left in the pic).  He literally sobbed when we left after almost two hours. 


 
 
But I digress... X and I had fun and for just getting together with her and her daughter for the first time with a really long drive to the dog breeder, it wasn't awkward at all.  What I struggle with is that after any outing with a friend and her child, while they go back to their family that consists of more than a mom and child, Sidekick and I go back to Dog. It kind of tugs at my heartstrings, and I go from this upbeat feeling about life to a little bit of loneliness.  Will Sidekick ever feel this way?
 
I want to get together with people for play dates and activities, but I find that it's awkward when a dad is thrown into the mix.  Why leave a Dad behind because in a "normal" family, both dads would come along for the adventure? I have no problem with the Dad being there, especially if he's a good role model, and actually welcome it because it puts a man in Sidekicks' present world. However, I'm not so sure how he feels about hanging out with two women.  Ha!
 
So anyway, my world feels lonely somehow.  Does this hit home with anyone else?  Am I the only one that thinks/feels like this? 
 
Last night before I laid my sweet boy in his crib, he said, "It's just you and me, Momma. You make me happy."  Did he know that I needed to hear something like this?  I just gave him an extra hug or two, kissed him on his forehead, and told him I loved him.  And then I remembered that without him, my life would be really sucky.  : )

Friday, January 23, 2015

Business Travel and an Incredible Conversation with my Boy

I was out of town all last week for business.  My mom came in town to take care of Sidekick so I knew he was in good hands.  I had been preparing him that I was going to be gone for a few days and that Grandma was going to take good care of him. Each time he said, "Don't leave me, Momma."  Boy, did that tug at my heartstrings.

I wasn't sure how to handle communication with him during my absence.  I wasn't sure if Skyping with him and/or talking to him would be harder on him, so we played it by ear.  If he seemed sad or needed me, we would Skype or I would call.  He didn't care that I was gone!  A couple of times he asked my mom about me, but my absence didn't seem to bother him.  So, I went five full days of not seeing/talking to my boy.  I appreciated my colleagues' interest in where Sidekick was and if I was doing okay without him.  I laughed every time and told them I was totally okay (and I wasn't lying).

I hadn't seen him since Sunday night, and didn't see him until I picked him up from school on Friday.  That was a long time!  When I showed up, he was playing with something.  He looked at me and went back to what he was doing.  He took a double take, yelled "Momma", ran towards me, wrapped his arms around me, and told me how much he had missed me.  There is nothing better than that!  How can I love this kid so much?

In all honesty, I didn't really miss him (which I feel guilty admitting).  I knew he was in good hands, and I honestly enjoyed being away from him and being "free".  Yes, I was stuck at a sales conference and in meetings all day and events each night, so I wasn't doing anything fun, but I didn't have feed my kid, get him ready and out the door for school, bathe him, walk the dog, etc.  I felt free, and I loved it!  When I got home, it was a bit of a transition and was thrown into our regular lives once again.  Every once in a while, out of the blue, he'll say, "Don't leave me, Momma."  I have to reassure him that I'm not going anywhere again for a long time.

We had an interesting conversation the other night.  My best friend and her family are coming in town this weekend.  While we were talking about seeing them, for some reason this is how our conversation went:

Sidekick:  We don't have a Matt (husband/dad).
Me:  That's right, Buddy. We don't.
Sidekick:  We don't have a Lauren, eeder. (one of my friends' daughter)
Me:  No, we don't. 
Sidekick:  It's just you, me and Ah-mee! (what he calls Dog)

He was so proud of himself for his realization of who/what our family is.  He was so happy!  I had to take a deep breath during this conversation because I never thought we'd be having a conversation like this as soon as he turned 2 1/2.  I'm amazed that he is so aware of the world around him and that our family is different than 98% of the families he knows.  I'm also grateful that he is weaning me into this difficult conversations to come about how our family came to be. I guess my idea that we wouldn't be talking about this for a couple of more years was wrong.  I've always been an open book with everyone about how Sidekick was conceived, so I'm certainly not going to hide it from him, but Wow!  I wasn't expecting the questions/conversations to start so early on in his life. 

For my fellow SMCs... when did your kids start realizing his/her family is "different"?

Thursday, January 8, 2015

2 1/2 Years Old!

People told me when Sidekick was born to get ready for how fast time goes.  I never believed it, but holy crap were they right!  Today Sidekick turns 2 1/2 years old!  I really can't believe it.  When I was pregnant with him, I tried to imagine what he would be like as a baby.  When he was born, I tried to imagine what he would be like when he was one.  When he was one, I tired to imagine what he would be like at two.  Here I am six months later, and I am still amazed at this little creature I made and grew inside of me.

I never imagined:
  • He would be fully potty trained all day/night by 2 1/2.
  • He would be playing on a soccer field all by himself.
  • He would know all of his letters and be able to read 25ish words.
  • He would be able to count to 20.
  • He would be such a helper: feeding Dog and giving her medicine, loading washing machine, emptying dishwasher, sweeping, etc.
  • I would be having full blown conversations with him.  (I literally just thought at this point he would be starting to form sentences.)
  • He would be so sweet, loving, and kind.  When he does things that are "good" or "right", he follows it up with, "That make you happy?"

I never imagined he would be so funny and say such funny things without even knowing they are funny:
  • "*Sidekick*, should we get some gas?"   "Yeah, Momma, I need some ass!"
  • "Momma, there is pee pee in my penis."
  • Sidekick likes to tell me if people are boys or girls. I'll ask him about different people in his life and he'll answer, "Boy" or "Girl".  After playing this game for a while in the car, I asked him about Dog.  He quickly said with complete irritation for such a stupid question, "Momma, Ah-mee (what he calls Dog), is a puppy dog!"
  • "Ah-mee (what he calls Dog), dontcha lub me?  Why you no snuggle wit me?"
  • I was getting Sidekick out of the car and he accidentally hit me with a book he wanted to take to school.  Without pause he said, "Sorry, Honey" and started walking in the building.
  • "I like dead raccoons." He said after seeing road kill on our way to soccer.
  • "Why I go school, Momma?  I can't see."  (We had an abnormally early morning because I had to get to an early sales presentation and it was still dark.)
  • "Momma no have a penis???  Momma have a butt???" (When getting him ready for bed one night. Not sure what prompted that.) 
  • "Nice to meet you, Moon." (Sticking his right hand out and reaching for the sky.) 
  • "Momma, don't zip my penis."
  • "I'm not a monkey, Momma. I *First and Last Name*." (He quietly said that out of the blue in the car on the way home from soccer.)   
So, 2 1/2 years into his life, and I think we've done a pretty good job getting through each day and living life to the fullest.  Next week I have a sales conference so I won't see Sidekick for five days.  My mom is coming in town, so I won't worry about him, but as we've been talking about me being gone, Sidekick will say, "Don't leave me, Momma."  Breaks my heart but makes me happy that I am his world because he is mine. 


 

Sunday, January 4, 2015

Potty Training (and some other stuff)

If there is one thing that I have truly been worried about since being pregnant, it's potty training!  I know that sounds so silly, but it's the one and only thing about which I've had anxiety!  Sidekick could have been potty trained a couple of months ago, but I'm the one who didn't push it.  Let's face it, diapers are so darn convenient.  He's been waking up dry in the mornings since before he turned two years old, so naturally the kid can hold it 12 hours, so daytime potty training should be a breeze.  I've worried about when we are out and about and he has to go potty. 

I figured since he would be home for two days this week plus the weekend with no soccer, this would be the week to concentrate on it.  Yesterday we stayed home all day (which I absolutely hate to do) so I could focus on potty training. He wore big boy under pants and stayed dry all day.  The problem is, he didn't poop all day, and pooping in the potty kind of freaks him out, and he's only done it one time.  I've even bribed with a bowl full of dollar store toys and whenever he poops on the potty, he can have one.  He just likes to look at them and remind me that he only pees on the potty. 

This morning, he told me that he wants to wear his airplane underpants to school.  What??!!  So, armed with two extra pairs of jeans and underpants, a shirt, socks, and shoes, I took him to school in his underpants.  He was so excited to tell his teacher and the director, and they were so proud of him.  So I sit here needing to take the Xanax I've never had (or any anxiety meds for that matter) wondering how he is doing.  I'm pretty much expecting to have some poopy underpants to clean tonight, but maybe he'll surprise me.  He's a couple of weeks shy of being 2 1/2, so I'd be one proud Momma if he was successful with this! 

A couple of other things... lately, Sidekick has been waking up every night crying and yelling, "I need a hug!"  I've heard from a few other people with kids the same age that their kids are waking up also.  What's up with this?  Anyway, I'll let him stand in his crib and cry for a minute until I realize that he's not going to settle back down, so I walk into his room, give him a hug, and he lays back down quietly.  That's it!  How can I turn down a need for a hug? 

We've had a couple of talks before bedtime that he doesn't wake Momma up until the sun wakes up.  Every morning since, when I walk into his room, he says, "I didn't wake Momma up.  I make you happy."  He is the sweetest little boy!  I just want to wrap my arms around him and never let him grow up.

Finally, Whistle (his Elf) hides in some fairly difficult places, and Sidekick finds him right away regardless of what room Whistle is in.  He'll walk into a room point to him and say "hi" and then go on with his day.  Lately, he's been telling me that Momma moves Whistle every day.  Really???  Can I not even stump my own toddler?  He's not buying it!  Sigh.  He's too young to not believe in all of the magic of Christmas.  Maybe next year he'll buy into it and forget that the thought I moved Whistle.  The rate I'm going, next year he might not believe in Santa (who he still doesn't like by the way).  This kid needs to let me have some fun during the holiday season!

"Ready or not, here I poop!"

Yep! Sidekick yelled that as soon as we got home from church last night.  Never did I imagine I would be so happy to hear such words out of his mouth.  He is officially potty trained!  I know I wrote previously how much it sucked, and it did really suck.  A lot.  It's the hardest thing I've had to do as a parent thus far.  Honestly. 

I never used pull-ups with him because I never saw the point in them.  I didn't want to confuse him when I put underpants on him since pull-ups and underpants are put on the same way.  I stopped putting diapers on Sidekick cold turkey right before Christmas (thinking the timing would be good because he'd be with me a lot because of the holidays and the days he was at school, there weren't as many kids for his teacher to juggle plus worry about him).  Sidekick got the peeing thing down pat!  No problems whatsoever.  Easy peasy.  He never had an accident.  The pooping thing was an entirely different issue!  Holy shit!  (haha no pun intended!) This kid refused to poop on the potty. I bribed with him a bowl of Dollar Store toys in his bathroom, watching extra TV, going out for ice cream, eating a cupcake, and even wrapping "big" presents that he would otherwise not get. His stubbornness was shining through.  The kid could not be bribed, much to my frustration. 

Over the course of nine days, he pooped in his underpants two times and one time in the bath tub. Are you doing the math?  That's not very often.  Why?  Because he was holding it in!  Little shit!  (again, no pun intended.)  I finally asked him what he wanted when he pooped on the potty, and his answer was, "Baby Jesus."  What?????!!!!  Like that's easy to produce. 

Last Friday, I bought some prune juice (so yuck!), picked him up from school, filled up a sippy cup with "special" juice (because he doesn't drink juice), brought his potty into the living room (which he doesn't use because he prefers the toilet), turned on the TV, and told him to poop on the potty.  Within about two minutes, he told me that he was pooping!  OMG!!!  I was so excited and so relieved because his poor little belly was so firm and distended, and I knew he wasn't feeling well.  He immediately asked for his present, and we celebrated by eating mini cupcakes. 

Over the course of four hours, he managed to squeeze out a little more poop three times just because he wanted another present that was wrapped.  I gave him another little one and bribed him by rewarding him with another cupcake.  So, just like that!  Sidekick is fully potty trained and has been great all weekend. 

I never imagined in my wildest dreams that I would ever be talking about pooping so much, but it stressed me out, which in turn stressed out Sidekick.  Not a good combination. 

My hellion of a kid that was around during Christmas has gone away and my sweet boy is back.  Thank goodness because I was having a tough time dealing with him.  My favorite line when I laid him in his crib on New Year's Eve was:

"Happy New Year, Momma.  You're stuck with me."
 
 
Seriously, where did that come from?  I think that he knew we had a rough ten days also, but that no matter what, we are stuck with each other, and thankfully that's not a bad thing. We make a good team.
 
Happy new year, friends!  May 2015 be more wonderful than you could ever hope, pray, or ask for. Thanks for joining us on our journey.

Monday, December 29, 2014

Post Christmas Wrap Up

Okay, so I just read my last post about my f'd up Christmas Eve, and boy did I get a chuckle out of it!  I typed it up in such anger and frustration, and I never read what I actually typed until just now.  It really did make me laugh because I was reliving the chaos of what it was like to be a Momma to a toddler on my not-so-perfect Christmas Eve.  Thank you to those who responded and made me feel better.  I guess I am just taken aback when Sidekick behaves in a way that is so out of the norm for him, and the fact that it happened on Christmas Eve just make the situation worse.  It truly was a time when I felt like I failed as a mom and that really bothered me. But I am glad I wrote about it in the midst of my frustration because I can see the humor in it all now. 

I did a "fancy" dinner out of guilt.  My mom gave me a hard time awhile ago because I don't really like the holidays, and therefore Sidekick will never really "experience" Christmas.  I felt like he would "experience" it through my family's typical Christmas Eve dinner so I made it.  I know the had no idea that it was any different than any other dinner he eats (trust me, that dinner was a huge step up!), but I can at least I thought I would feel good that I did my best to show him what Christmas is all about, even if it was an epic fail!

Christmas day was fine.  For the first time ever, Sidekick understood what opening presents is all about, so he enjoyed unwrapping everything.  We Skyped my mom, sister, and her family and opened presents with each other.  In all honesty, Christmas day felt like any other day, except there was wrapping paper involved.  Sidekick got a three wheel "scooter", so after nap, it was so nice outside, so we went outside to try it out.  He hopped on that thing and acted like he had been riding it for months.  He looked like a pro and such a big boy!

video



Christmas is kept to a minimum as I don't believe he should be flooded with a bazillion presents.  He also got a couple of play dough "kits", some puzzles, a bucket of musical instruments (this Momma is hoping some of them get lost- haha!), and a Duplo set, and we haven't played with half of them.  I guess I'm just spreading out the gifts for a snowy day when we are trapped. 

And finally... potty training sucks!!!!!  This is the one and only thing I have freaked out about ever since becoming a parent.  He's been in underpants for eight days now.  He has been dry every single one of those days, but the kid does not know how to time the pooping thing.  For whatever reason, he poops every other day now, so in those eight days, he's pooped one time in the bath tub and three times in his underpants.  I'm seriously at my wits end!  It frustrates me so much! He understands that he poops in the potty, but I think he can't figure out how to make it to the potty in time.  As soon as he starts, he gets upset because he knows it's "wrong".  I know that I'm not supposed to punish him for accidents, but I have resorted to taking his 20 minutes of TV away from him when he poops anywhere but the potty.  Call me a horrible parent.  No TV is the one thing that has seemed to be something that really bothers him, so hopefully he'll figure all of this out sooner rather than later.

So while my little guy is still being a handful, my fingers are crossed that we will be back on track very soon. Once he gets back into our normal routine, life will hopefully go back to normal. He's a kid that thrives on routine, and his routine is out of whack right now (as is his momma!).

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Christmas Blows!

I hate the holidays. There, I said it.  I don't have fond memories of Christmas. In fact, I can't think of a time when I was ever in the holiday spirit. There always seems to be fighting going on in my family and a couple of times, my mom didn't come out of her bedroom for whatever reason, and Christmas was canceled. As a kid, I can't remember loving Christmas. I must have at one point, but I have no memories of it. (How sad.)

This year I was determined to change all of that so that Sidekick only has good memories of Christmas.  I wanted to create our own traditions. I wanted to begin loving Christmas and not dreading it each year.  I wanted to be wowed by the magic of Christmas!

I tried to get into the holiday spirit because of Sidekick. I put up a Christmas tree, decorated my house, and put Christmas decorations outside. Because of a fallout at my sister's last Christmas (see, bad memories of Christmas once again) Sidekick and I are alone this year because we weren't invited to go to my sister's. I've tried to make the best of Christmas and have failed miserably. 

Sidekick hasn't been feeling well, but remember that post the other day about how much I love him? (I am in Love) For the first time EVER, I can honestly say that I don't like him right now.

We went to Christmas service last night so that I could make a nice, fancy dinner tonight (Christmas Eve). I made a ham, potatoes, stuffing, and rolls. I was so proud of myself for timing everything perfectly and it tasting good.  After that, we were going to put PJs on and watch a movie.  When we sat down for dinner, Sidekick refused to eat any if it!  He never does that. He cried. He screamed. He had a tantrum. I put him on the stairs for a time out and he screamed. He calmed down, sat back at the table, and refused to eat. Repeat this pattern about four times until out of the blue, blood came pouring out of his nose! All of a sudden durning my anger and frustration, I had to be sweet and loving towards my child because he was hemoraging (not literally). At this point I had finished eating my good dinner and gave up on him eating. 

I decided to give him a bath while I took a shower (my big tub is right next to my shower) in hopes that we could both calm down. Sidekick has been dry for three days now, but has not been succesful pooping on the potty (one time in his underpants at school and didn't poop yesterday). I was doing all I could to get him to poop on the potty today, but he couldn't go. Can you see where I'm going with this???  While I had not spoken a word to my child for about ten minutes because I was so angry, the next thing I found myself doing is yelling at him for pooping the bathtub!  Seriously, I was at the end of my rope.  

I was so done with him, and my night was so far from what I ever imagined it would be. I know he needed to eat.  I know he doesn't feel well.  I know he wanted to watch a movie with me. I wanted to get as far away from him as possible as I continued to fight him on everything f'n thing!  I've yelled at him nonstop, and I never do that.  It's a time like this when I miss having a partner in my life so that I can turn Sidekick over to him and just walk away.

So right now he is watching Rudolph while I sit at my table typing this because I don't feel like snuggling with him. After Rudolph is over, he is going to bed. After which I will need to muster some excitement for filling his stocking and putting his presents around the Christmas tree. In true Christmas fashion, Christmas sucks ass once again. 

Yes, he has apologized countless times and told me he loves me, but dammit, he's a miserable human being tonight. I can honestly say that he has never, ever acted like this child tonight. His behavior is so unacceptable. While I can blame some of it on him not feeling well, that doesn't give him a "Get out of Jail Free" card. My mom has a gift that is supposed to be opened tonight, and I don't want to give it to him. Why should I?  He doesn't deserve it!

Merry Christmas!  I hope yours is much more enjoyable than mine has been thus far.. 

Bah Humbug!