I'm not writing to debate whether not indicting Darren Wilson was right or not. That was the Grand Jury's decision. What I am here to write about is how disgusted, sick, and upset I am with the aftermath. I sat for hours watching the destruction 25 minutes from my home. I sat for hours watching fires being set and bricks being thrown. I sat for hours watching people ruin businesses that had absolutely nothing to do with any of this. I sat for hours watching people break into stores, steal things, and walk out like they were entitled to whatever they took. I sat for hours so sad that this was happening. I couldn't believe how emotional I got over it and even though I expected riots, I never imagined it would be like this.
What I don't understand is what all of that "did". What it solved. Why people think it is okay to do that. How this rioting supports Michael Brown and his family. How this helps with a sense of community and peace that so many people want. How their behavior can be supported by anyone. How is violence the way to get anywhere?
I am relieved that Sidekick is young enough to not be affected by this. I am relieved that he is young enough such that he won't ask me questions. I am saddened that this horrific behavior of adults are negatively affecting children who are so impressionable. I am disgusted that there is no way to explain to children that the actions and behavior of these adults are justifiable because they aren't. There is no reason that any of that should have happened or needed to happen. So what did I do?
I walked upstairs, picked up my warm, cozy, sleeping "baby" and rocked him. I held him tightly and thanked God for him and for our safety. In the moment of such upheaval and anger in my city, Sidekick helped me find a little comfort.
This morning I had the TV on while we ate breakfast (I never have the TV on while we eat). Within seconds, he asked, "Momma, what happened?" How did he pick up on that so quickly? I feel like his innocence was robbed.
So sad.
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